How to Make Sex a Priority in Your Married Life


There are many obstacles to an active sex life after marriage There are also some fun ways to get around the obstacles.

Married life is complicated. It is busy. Marriage is full of routines. There is nothing wrong with any of this. Plenty of people have a very happy marriage despite the hard work that it calls for. But marriage is also full of sacrifices.

Before two people get married, their main focus is often on themselves. They worry about what they need to do and how they are going to manage the things that life throws at them. Marriage changes that. Now two different people have to find ways to merge their lives. Throw work and kids into it and the idea of doing everything you want becomes that much more difficult.

To overcome this, married couples give up some things. Unfortunately, one thing they give up is sex. It is not as difficult for people to give up sex in marriage as it sounds. When you have kids, privacy is an issue. When you both work long days, the last thing on your mind when you come home is hours spent in bed. Sex also can become boring in a marriage. You do the same thing, on the same days at the same time because it fits the schedule. If you don’t want sex to become routine or to disappear in a marriage, you need to find ways to overcome all the obstacles.

Sex on the Mind

Your mind is full of many thoughts during the day and sex may not seem to have a place. Take a few minutes out of your day to think about sex. Create a fantasy that you run through in your mind. Go back to the days of puberty, when sex was always on your mind. It was exciting then and with some thought, can become exciting again.

Don’t Act on Your Thoughts

One of the problems, when you start to think about sex, is that you may want to act on them. If you create a hot fantasy, you may want to find a release for the sexual tension that your thoughts create. It does not take much to turn thinking about sex into masturbating. While you may get the release your body wants at that moment, you will do nothing to enhance the sex in your marriage.

Instead of masturbating or finding some other way to release the sexual tension, let it build. If your partner is doing the same thing, when you get home, the passion can take over. Even if you have to wait, let that excitement grow and use that when you finally have the time with your partner.

Verbalize Your Sexual Thoughts

Most people think of sex as physical activity. The best sex includes all the senses. Talking about sex is something that people don’t think of as a sexual act. It is actually one of the most important parts of sex.

Talking about sex does not have to happen when you are in bed. You can also talk to each other about what you like and what you want sexually from your partner. It is important to avoid criticism of your partner. Instead, focus on the things you would like and how your partner makes you feel during sex. Talk about what you want from each other and about ways to give it to each other.

Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex with their partner. To overcome that they can practice sex chat with strangers. Talking about sex to a stranger online allows you to become a different person and to learn ways to talk about sex without fear of saying the wrong things to someone you love.

Create a Sex Routine

If your marriage is full of routines, adding some sexual routines make sense. The key is to make the routines or rituals exciting. Consider planning weekend getaways where you can focus on yours and your partners' sexual needs. Put it on the calendar and find someone to watch the kids. It can be as simple as a date night or it can include a weekend getaway once or twice a year. Let the excitement of the rituals build until they overflow into your sex life.

Strengthen the Bonds of Love

Marriage is a roller coaster. There are times when you felt nothing but love for your partner and there are other times when you don’t want them near you. The routines and rituals are one way to reinforce the feeling of love for each other. They are a great time for you to remember why you fell in love and made the decision to spend the rest of your life with your partner. Strengthening the bonds of love can increase the feeling of intimacy during sex.

Make it Happen

It is easy to use the obstacles in a marriage as a reason not to have sex. Those obstacles become excuses for the lack of sex in marriage. The easiest way to get around the obstacles is to stop making excuses. Do not accept that your life is too busy or that the sex routine you have is boring. Take the steps to change something and turn your married sex life into something that is a part of the marriage.

Get Professional Help

There is no guarantee that doing the things listed above will allow you to make sex a priority in your marriage. It is possible that the way that two people think about sex creates an obstacle that they cannot easily overcome. Two people may not know how to make sex so enjoyable that they want to do it as often as possible.

When you cannot make changes that get your sex life where you want it, sex therapy may offer the best option. A professional sex therapist can help break down the barriers that hold back sex in marriage. They may have just the perspective that a couple cannot see on their own.

Sex is an important part of marriage. It is the time when people connect physically and emotionally. It is the time when people show their love for each other. It is not something to ignore in a marriage because it is too complicated. It is something that when you find a way to prioritize it, you will never look back.

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Caitlyn Lowe is a freelance writer since 2011. Graduated from the University of Florida in Psychology Major. She loves to write about lifestyle, technology, finance, human psychology, human behavior, and relationship.

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